the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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