Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
