Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
