Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
