if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
