You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
this hospital has no fireball
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
