he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
