toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital