he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???