It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.