Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood