then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.