I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
