i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize