Jerry, you need to find god
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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