I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
