mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
