I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
