things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am one with the molecules
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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