Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
