Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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