Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
