Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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