just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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