Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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