you win again, gameday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
