Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
