dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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