It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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