Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
