Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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