Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
