I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
