True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
