Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
