My room smells like vodka and shame
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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