Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
