A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
