I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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