ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
