dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
