good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
