we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a search helicopter?!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
