last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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