I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
