with your own penis?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
