i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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