Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my liver is dry heaving
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize