Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
