So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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