hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
