let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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