In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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