So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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