Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I believe in your delicious
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
