I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
