Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
