Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
