I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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