Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
