This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
