I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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