she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize