girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
