I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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