I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
